Hiding a pregnancy is not normal for an
open person like myself. But I've never carried a baby before and
the thought of telling an in-law of a miscarriage is unthinkable!
So, we kept it secret for a couple of weeks. I checked out a book
from the library about pregnancy for women over 35, and felt a little
more comfortable about my situation. After all, most women over 35
have other health issues, have smoked and drank their whole lives,
had multiple births, C-sections, are loaded up with fertility drugs,
etc. Besides my age, I don't have any medical conditions that add
danger. (My midwife insists however that since my eggs are 38 years
old, that risk remains.) That alleviated my fears enough that my
husband and I decided to tell our immediate families. His side of
the family was already planning to gather for an anniversary dinner,
so I arranged for my family to meet that morning for breakfast.
It was such fun telling my family. We
told them that we wanted to address a rumor that would no doubt be
circulating about us soon. My husband said, “you're going to hear
that Mesa is pregnant--.” And I cut in with, “And it's TRUE!”
They all gasped, covered their mouths, and teared up! Then my sister
blurts out, “I want a GIRL! Is that bad to say? I don't care, I
want a girl. I have a nephew, now I need a niece!” My moms hands
immediately went to my belly. My grandma mentioned how much my
grandpa would have loved it were he still alive. We spent the meal
laughing and speculating. It was a ball!
Telling my husband's family came in the
evening. We let the meal go forward with the anniversary being the
focus until dessert came, and gifts began to be opened. We handed
off our greeting card and asked them to read it aloud. My husbands
sister read: “Your real gift is that mom will no longer be hounding
you for a grand-child. Congratulations! You're going to make a
great aunt and uncle.” There was no reaction. We scanned the eyes
at the table and everyone looked puzzled. His sister said, “I
don't get it.” My husbands brother looked at me from the farthest
end of the table and silently mouthed the words, “Are you
pregnant?” I smiled and nodded. He shook his head in disbelief.
Then he mouthed, “Really?” So I smiled and nodded more
emphatically. He seemed to believe it this time but mouthed,
“Really?” I nodded enthusiastically. He mouthed, “No.”
Then my mother-in-law said, “What, you're getting another dog?”
My husband assured her that it was not a dog. Finally, everyone got
it and slowly started with the disbelieving “wows.” Finally
another relative said, “congratulations.” Which everyone
repeated obediently.
I think the difference in reaction is
cultural. My family easily accepted that we did not intend to have
children soon after we were married. They may have hoped for a
blessed accident for the first few years, but resigned themselves
early on. My husband's family, on the other hand, have spent the
last 19 years yearning for us to have children, and have only in
recent years let up pressuring us to do so.
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