I've been reeling from the shock of being fired. I can't help but dwell on the topic. After all, I am headless in all of my dreadful dreams, and I have a massive amount of idle time on my hands that comes with being unemployed.
Perhaps I should go back to the part about being headless. Yes, the dream I had the night I was fired was a dream where I had to wear a prosthetic head in public until my own grew back. I blamed my sister-in-law for my headless state, but my mind did not expand on the idea. In the course of the dream, I was applying make-up to the blank head and thinking that it was still ugly and I would be ashamed to leave the house wearing any head but my own. It was very disturbing indeed! In subsequent dreams, I have been part of a search party looking for the heads of dead family members which inexplicably disappeared in the middle of the night. My sister and I comfort each other as the only survivors of the massacre. When we are struck with dred that the murderer and head robber might return for us, I awake!
Perhaps my dreams are hyper-vivid because I don't allow myself to dwell freely on the termination of employment during the day.
In the moments that I let myself examine the events leading up to my termination, I find myself asking many questions. For instance, why didn't my sister-in-law choose to use their financial difficulties to explain it? They were already threatening to lay off workers. If they would have laid me off, then they could tell the family a sob story about how sorry they were to have to let me go. They would have been the victims, and I would be collateral damage. I think it noteworthy that my sister-in-law chose to stand toe-to-toe with me and fire me to my face all the while claiming that I am intimidating and unapproachable. Perhaps she lacked the courage, until this manic episode.
The timing was very odd. Another coworker had just remarked how well everyone was getting along, and how smoothly things were running. I had to agree. Though I wasn't particularly happy with my sister-in-law, her mood seemed to be better than usual (characteristicly manic). The day before my termination, my brother was even altering my workstation to accomodate my petite build. The alterations would make it very difficult for any of the others to work there comfortably. They had recently included me in a staff photograph that they're having published in a sales flyer. I have 1000 new business cards with my name and contact information on them. No, there really was no sign that they had planned something this drastic for long. Something happened between 6pm one night and 1pm the next day. I think I can properly disown any causality.
Perhaps I should go back to the part about being headless. Yes, the dream I had the night I was fired was a dream where I had to wear a prosthetic head in public until my own grew back. I blamed my sister-in-law for my headless state, but my mind did not expand on the idea. In the course of the dream, I was applying make-up to the blank head and thinking that it was still ugly and I would be ashamed to leave the house wearing any head but my own. It was very disturbing indeed! In subsequent dreams, I have been part of a search party looking for the heads of dead family members which inexplicably disappeared in the middle of the night. My sister and I comfort each other as the only survivors of the massacre. When we are struck with dred that the murderer and head robber might return for us, I awake!
Perhaps my dreams are hyper-vivid because I don't allow myself to dwell freely on the termination of employment during the day.
In the moments that I let myself examine the events leading up to my termination, I find myself asking many questions. For instance, why didn't my sister-in-law choose to use their financial difficulties to explain it? They were already threatening to lay off workers. If they would have laid me off, then they could tell the family a sob story about how sorry they were to have to let me go. They would have been the victims, and I would be collateral damage. I think it noteworthy that my sister-in-law chose to stand toe-to-toe with me and fire me to my face all the while claiming that I am intimidating and unapproachable. Perhaps she lacked the courage, until this manic episode.
The timing was very odd. Another coworker had just remarked how well everyone was getting along, and how smoothly things were running. I had to agree. Though I wasn't particularly happy with my sister-in-law, her mood seemed to be better than usual (characteristicly manic). The day before my termination, my brother was even altering my workstation to accomodate my petite build. The alterations would make it very difficult for any of the others to work there comfortably. They had recently included me in a staff photograph that they're having published in a sales flyer. I have 1000 new business cards with my name and contact information on them. No, there really was no sign that they had planned something this drastic for long. Something happened between 6pm one night and 1pm the next day. I think I can properly disown any causality.
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Wow, that's pretty horrible! I'm very sorry! I hope that you will be able to quickly find new employment!
ReplyDeleteI am very much enjoying your blog and can't help feel you and I share some invisible thread ~~~~~ I remember when I was fired and how it has affected me since...the fact that I never hid from it, never denied it - it just was - I was fired......... I'll be popping back to empathize... Tjo
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