(123) 456-7890

The so-called "marketing director" for our branch is a very dull girl without any creative inclination whatsoever. For some time I thought it quite a mystery how she was able to produce the clever posters, flyers, banners, etc. being as hung-over as she often is. Incapable of working independantly, she often recruits others in the office to assist her in hanging posters or airing up balloons for weekly events. I have often acted as this assistant. After pointing out some errors in the printed materials, she had begun to rely on me as a sort of editor when she gets in a bind. As a result of our close association, I have been privy to the tools provided her. The wonderfully effective posters and banners she prints on her wide format printer actually come to her electronically. The graphics are completely laid out. She has only to change the address and phone number to match those of our particular location. Mystery solved.

Once, after assisting her on some grammatical refinement, she asked me whether I was a college graduate. Evidently, she was impressed with my education. I answered in the negative, and she acted surprised. I asked why she had supposed that I had a higher education. She said that I was smart when it came to grammar and spelling. I simply replied, "I learned all of that in third grade."

I started out being thrilled to be useful, but have since become rather irritated by her gross ignorance and careless mistakes. Each time she is praised by others about the great work she does, I cringe. And each time she humbly accepts such praise is another reason to cringe. My eye relentlessly finds mistakes in her work. If find these mistakes especially irritating, since I have so generously offered my services as editor.

Once she called me to help her to re-work a document. It was a series of certificates that would be given out at an award banquet to our top 5 clients. She wanted to give the certificate meant for the #1 top client distinction. My first suggestion was to spell the client's name correctly.

Another widely distributed advertisement lists services that we do not offer. I figured that since I was not responsible for the content of such advertisements, I would resist taking issue with it. But upon closer inspection, I realized that the phone number clients were directed to call for such unavailable services was (123) 456-7890. That is 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 0.

One of the lower clerks in out office receives many more phone calls than anyone else, by far. It remained a mystery for some time, but eventually, it was discovered that the company had been distributing letterhead featuring her direct line. When this lower clerk is on vacation, her voice mail box is always filled to the brim. All of the messages repeat the sentiment of frustration of customers unable to reach a live person for days on end. Once it was discovered, there was no correcting of the matter. Just an office full of chuckles.

No wonder my coworker bought me a t-shirt that says, "You don't have to be crazy to work here; we'll train you!"