Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Who Gets To Raise My Child?
Cultural differences are already causing tension and I've barely started my 2nd trimester. In my family, your children are your responsibility. Grandma may babysit occasionally, and will form a tight bond through frequent visits, but ultimately, you need privacy to raise your family.
In my husband's family, every member's life revolves around the matriarch, and her house is always jam-packed with family and food. My mother-in-law has been tormented by her sisters for 19 years. About 3 times a week, one of them asks her if there is any word of grandchildren. Of course, she says no. Then they proceed to tell her of how full their lives are surrounded by grandchildren (many of whom live with them), and basically rub her nose in the fact that she is missing out on the blessings they're enjoying to the full.
I feel very deeply for my mother-in-law because of this cruel treatment that she's received from her own flesh and blood. It has been hard enough for her to accept that my husband and I are so independent. Her other son lived with her until he married in his 30s. The relationship with his wife and mother is very strained, because their marriage took place after her husband died. She felt it as a deep loss because it was the first time that her nest was empty.
My mother-in-law and my husband's sister fully expect that I will continue to work after giving birth, and they know that my mother and sister have full-time jobs. Since neither of them work, they think that they are going to be the primary caretakers of my baby. They're going to be very disappointed because I have my heart set on being a full-time mom. Financially, I haven't figured out how, but my husband is in full agreement with my decision.