Door Knob for Baby

My well-meaning mother-in-law says the dumbest things sometimes.  She was walking my 8 month old son around my living room suggesting items that I ought to buy for him to stimulate his interest or abilities.  According to her, he needs a swing, a walker, a jumper, and a myriad of toys.  This goes on for hours like a broken record each time she visits.  The suggestions are too numerous to be taken seriously, so I try to have a sense of humor about them.  Sometimes, she makes it REALLY easy to laugh at them.  At one point, she walked him past the front door and he reached out to touch the shiny brass door knob.  She allowed him to stop there and he spent a minute or two tapping and twisting at the knob.  She turned to me and said, "You need to buy him a door knob like this one, because he is fascinated by it."  I said, "He already has one."  She said with wonder, "He does?"  I said, "Yes, THAT IS HIS door knob."

Walk A Mile...

I knew an elderly woman who was caring for her husband with Alzheimer's.  She told her grown daughters (who had grandchildren of their own) that she just couldn't do it anymore and threatened to put him in a home.  Her daughter's were appalled and decided that she just needed a break.  They pooled their money and sent her on a fabulous cruise while the youngest and healthiest daughter cared for the Alzheimer's patient.  When the elderly woman returned refreshed, her daughter, exhausted after walking a mile in her mother's shoes declared that her beloved father did indeed need to be put into a home.

He actually had to be moved out of several facilities because he was too difficult even for trained professionals!

Make Cheese with Pickle Juice

I saw a program on making homemade cheese and it got me interested because I get so much milk from WIC that I can't drink it all.  I watched a couple of tutorials on youtube and gave it a try. I used 1 gallon of fresh 2% milk and then I needed 1/2 cup of something acidic like lemon juice or vinegar. Well, I decided to use the brine from some pickled banana peppers I had left in the fridge. It wasn't curdling a lot, so I also added a tablespoon of lime juice and that did the trick! It was easy! The cheese came out crumbly and pretty tasty! 

It was really good on the fish tacos we made tonight!

Medusa, and the Look of Death

A nurse entered my husband's hospital room and proposed that she ought to give my husband a sponge bath since it was his 3rd day and he could not stand because of a blood clot. She was rather young and attractive, and I thought, "That's not going to happen--not on my watch." The wide-eyed nurse took a step back, then took 2 more steps back and said in a panic, "Or, I can just bring you the stuff." I nodded approvingly at the new solution, and she rushed out of the room. My husband burst out laughing and said, "You should have seen your face!" I never said a word to her, and I wasn't angry or hostile at any point. I was simply thinking, "No. You're not going to bathe my husband. Don't they have any ugly nurses on this floor?" But she was clearly terrified and never came back into the room.

Her Turf, My Terms

Giving Mom and newborn Baby time to bond and room to breathe seems to be a universally respected boundary.  Breastfeeding extends the courtesy for a while longer.  But I've noticed that every week that baby ages, relatives get bolder and more determined to interfere with mommy time.  

I've tried to have an open door policy, allowing friends and relatives to come to my house whenever they can to see the baby.  (Prior to having a baby, I rarely had visitors, and was very content to keep my home a private sanctuary.)  My mother-in-law is the only such visitor who never calls ahead and the only one who dares to come every day and twice a day when she finds a suitable excuse to do so.  I have often thought of refusing to answer the door for her, insist that she call first, or limiting her to bi-weekly visits.  But, I don't know how that would set with my husband who generally views her interference as "helping."  Besides, her visits, though frequent, are generally brief.

But I've noticed that she is making remarks by telling the baby, "When you get a little older, I'm going to take you away from your momma and buy you a hamburger."  And more unkindly, "If you're mom will cut the apron strings, you can come home with me."  

Well, she is very hurt that I won't let her babysit, and for some reason she has an intense desire to have the baby on her own turf.  So, I came up with a plan to take the baby to see her.  Her turf; my terms.  I asked if we could visit her the following day so that the baby could have a change in scenery.  She was overjoyed and said that she would love that and asked me to bring his bathtub so she could bathe him.  Her daughter remarked to me how happy Grandma was, but in the course of the conversation, we realized that Grandma was expecting me to take him to her house and leave him there in her care.  I have to wonder if she purposely misunderstood me, or if she simply heard what she wanted to hear.  At any rate, I was sure that my gesture would end in her disappointment.

I planned my escape by making a lunch appointment with a girlfriend so that we would not get stuck at Grandma's all day and I did not take the bathtub.  When it was time to pack things up, my mother-in-law suggested that I leave the baby with her while I enjoyed my luncheon, but I said that the friend was looking forward to seeing baby.  She came up with several arguments, but I overcame each objections without raising my voice or seeming irritated.  But when it came to the moment where she needed to hand him over to me, she held him close and said, "No.  You can't take him."  I must have looked furious because she made it into a joke and gave him up.  

I went to my luncheon with baby and when we returned home, we received a phone call asking if we had gotten home okay (Grandma is a worrier).  And in a few minutes, Grandma arrived at the house and said that she hadn't gotten enough time with her grandson.  She stayed for several hours--the longest visit ever.  This, I felt, was a real intrusion.  I foresee a time when she and I are going to have a physical altercation where we are pulling at two ends of a screaming child and I see no way to avoid it!  

Why do people want to spend time with your baby without you around?  It's not like I hover or supervise their visits.  I often take a nap or a shower when relatives come to see the baby.  But they keep pressuring me to let them take the baby away from me.  And the pressure is building as the baby gets older.  As long as I am breast-feeding, I am maintaining control.  But I'll probably wean him in a year or so.  Why is the emphasis on TAKING him?

Over-stimulated Baby

My brother-in-law came to do a photo-shoot of my 3 month old baby.  Auntie and Grandma came along to help pose and entertain the baby.  They all played with him rather vigorously and got great photos of smiles and laughter.  I was relieved that they got the shots they wanted quickly because they have pushed the baby beyond his tolerance on previous visits.  Grandma, though, has the most energetic play style and being wound up herself continued to play, play, play until baby cried.  My husband held the baby and attempted to calm him, but Grandma followed them around cooing and tickling him excitedly.  When baby's cries escalated into a steady shrill scream, I took him and left the room to let him settle down.

Having raised her children 40 years ago, my mother-in-law believes that it is safe to let babies sleep on their stomachs, eat cow's milk, and sweat to the point of dehydration.  So, I wonder if the idea of children being over-stimulated is a somewhat new thought.

Blanket for Baby

My mother-in-law asked me if she could swaddle my baby in a blanket because his feet were cold.  I looked at the thermostat and said, "No, it is 74 degrees in here, but you can put a pair of socks on him if you like."  I started to run the vacuum, and she retreated with baby to his nursery to protect him from the noise.  (She thinks that you should never make noise around a baby.)  When I had finished, she came out of the nursery with the baby folded inside her winter coat!