Friday, August 23, 2013

Pregnant - This is Happening

After a period of depression, my concerned husband suggested that I discontinue my use of oral contraceptives. My doctor had already threatened to take me off of them because I've been on them for 20 years. She had said that at the first sign of any health problems, she would not prescribe them, and I was fairly certain that depression symptoms would qualify. I thought that it was a prudent precaution, and agreed to go off of the pill. The depression faded completely over the months that followed, but I was concerned about getting pregnant. My husband reassured me with the words, “Don't worry. We will use condoms most of the time.” Well, turns out that “most of the time” isn't enough.

I dismissed tender breasts as premenstral symptoms--for 3 weeks. I dismissed swollen ankles as a result of salty meals—for which I had been having abnormally strong cravings. I was concerned about the dizziness though, which seemed to make my stomach queasy. I was also having little episodes where I didn't feel bad, but just felt a definite need to sit down for a minute. In my mind, each symptom was unrelated. Denial. During a chat with a girlfriend, I started to see them all as having a common cause. She suggested that I get a pregnancy test, which I immediately did.

My husband called my cell while I was at the store, but I told him that I was purchasing vegetables. He wanted to swap vehicles with me before he headed to work. I told him that I would finish and head home, but that I couldn't be certain whether I could be there in time for the swap or not. When I did get home, he was not there, so I concluded that he had left for work. So, I head into the bathroom to take the test. And having the house to myself, I'd left the bathroom door wide open. Just then he came home and caught me in the act. I was studying the stick and the diagram. I could clearly see that the results did not match the “not pregnant” figure, but my mind could not match the results to the “pregnant” figure. So, I handed it off to him. He studied it for a time. Pointing to the “not pregnant” figure, he concluded, “it's definitely not that one.” I stared at him, stunned, with teary wide eyes. He hugged me and said, “I am very sorry, but I'm very happy.” I croaked, “OK.” And then I sighed and said more resigned and resolute, “this is happening.”

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